To hold the Universe
by RoxasSerenity
Summary: "Clara felt her heart drop for a moment, a small part of her screaming that bringing up the past was a bad idea. The look he had given her before, the memory was still too painful for him, even after all this time." MAJOR SPOILERS FOR THE WITCH'S FAMILIAR. IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN, DO NOT READ! The Doctor tells Clara about his meeting with Oswin


_Hello again! Guess who's back?_

 _So...the new series of Doctor Who has begun and may I say how beautifully written and acted the first 2 episodes were. If you havent seen them, stop reading this and do so as this fic has SPOILERS!_

 _If you have, then you will have noticed the not-even-trying-to-be-subtle reference to Asylum of the Daleks from episode 1 Series 7 with Clara (this time as Clara) in a Dalek. Having made and seen reaction videos the Witch's Familiar, its very hard to miss. With this in mind, I wrote this._

 _We all know that Clara is at least aware that her echo was in the Dalek Asylum (it was mentioned several times during Series 7) but screen wise, she was actually given an explanation. This is my solution to this._

 _I do not own any of Doctor Who. This is purely for entertainment purposes and my own need to write things._

 _Obviously there are MAJOR spoilers for The Witch's Apprentice. If you spoiled yourself I did warn you, its your own fault. Also references to The Dalek Asylum, Day of the Moon_

 _and Death in Heaven._

 _Please comment and enjoy :)_

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"You said once that you met me on the Dalek asylum."

He'd briefly left her on the hillside of Skaro, Dalek gun in hand, running to the TARDIS. When they had both reappeared moments later, he'd had a grin on his face, a mix of accomplishment with a tiny hint of pride, the damned thing still in his hand. Naturally, she asked what had happened while he was distracted with the controls, knowing he'd go to them anyway, so he wouldn't have to look at her. He finally told her; about the battle field, the young boy he had tried to save. When he learned the boy's name, he panicked. He ran. The final confrontation with the older Davros had reminded him that sometimes it wasn't about changing history, after all, who was he without the likes of the Daleks and the Master. He couldn't stop the creation of the Daleks, but he was damned if he didnt at least try to instill what their creator had called "a weakness". Mercy wasnt a weakness, not to him, after all, the word alone had been the only reason that he hadnt shot Dalek that had turned out to be Clara.

Oh God, he had almost killed her

The Doctor nearly _killed Clara._

Once again, he had been caught up in his own grief, thinking Clara was dead and he had believed her. _Missy._ Hadn't Gallifrey been enough to remind him that he couldn't trust her? _I need my friend back._ The Time Lady had been so desperate to see Theta again. What would she have done had he actually pulled the trigger? His hearts twitched painfully at the thought.

She hadn't meant to say it to be honest, but she had seen the look on his face when the Dalek casing had finally opened, felt the slight tremble in his hand as he gently cupped her face. There had been fear, they had both thought that, for a moment, he was actually going to shoot, but there was something else there too, hidden in the shadow of the moment. Almost like _he'd seen it before._ It hadn't been until after the surge of adrenaline had passed that she had fully been able to process what had happened, ghosts of conversations that she shouldn't remember slipping into her mind.

 _Oswin Oswald, junior entertainment manager, Starship Alaska._

 _I met you at the Dalek Asylum. There was a girl in a ship wreck and she died saving my life. And she was you!_

The moment the words left her mouth, he tensed, knuckles turning white on the edge of the console. Seeing her inside the Dalek had brought back memories, ones he had hoped would never enter his mind again once he had found her in modern day London. He never imagined for a moment that history would almost repeat itself 900 years and a new regeneration later.

"I did yeah."

"What happened to her?"

He could skirt the question, brush it off with a shrug and change the subject. Instead he sighed, moving to take a seat on the step to the upper level, silently motioning for her to join him. They had made a promise to each other. _No more lies_. After everything that had happened since Essex, she deserved to know.

"She was a genius. Could hack into any form of Dalek technology, including the web and even I cant do that. Do you know someone called Nina?"

"I'm not answering that." The flush on her cheeks told him she did and didnt want to talk about it. He'd found her making out with Jane Austin, how embarrassing could it actually be? That was a conversation for another time though.

"Anyway, she'd been crashed for a year and had taken to making souffles against the Daleks."

"Where did she get the eggs?"

"I'm getting there."

"Sorry. Do continue."

"Like I said, she could hack Dalek technology, including the force field that surrounded the planet. I fixed the teleport and all she had to do was lower the shields so that the Daleks in the orbiting spaceship could blow it up."

"With you on it?"

"They're Daleks, of course with me on it. As I was saying, Oswin knew how to take down the force field, I just had to go get her. So there I am, back against the wall, insane Daleks about to shoot me when they just...stop."

"What do you mean stop?"

"I mean stop. She hacked the web that connects them and deleted everything the Daleks knew about the Doctor."

"She sounds amazing."

"She was a Dalek." There was a catch in his voice, his ring suddenly the most interesting thing in the room. Clara felt her heart drop for a moment, a small part of her screaming that bringing up the past was a bad idea. The look he had given her before, the memory was still too painful for him, even after all this time. Missy had to have known and found a way to make the situation worse for him. Had the casing not recognised the word _mercy_ he may have actually killed her without knowing. She had been terrified, desperately trying to tell him that she was alive but the damn thing had twisted her words. She could only imagine what he had been feeling when she had appeared, once again inside a Dalek. It hurt to think what was going on inside his head.

 _That was you, my friend, making me scared._

He'd done it again. He'd made her scared. _Of him_.

"I want to go home."

"Yeah." He was so quiet it was unnerving. Without protest, he stood, adjusting the coordinates to land in her flat. By local time, she would have just been crudely transported to 1138 Essex so there was no chance of running into herself or calling Kate at UNIT while she was still there. Her first priority though was making sure the Doctor didnt run away again and start something while he was in a state of confusion and anger at himself. Listening to the familiar clang that accompanied their landing, she approached him cautiously, loosening his grip on the console enough to take his hand properly and gently pull him from the TARDIS. He didn't protest when she urged him to sit on the couch, leaving with the promise of tea while she made the phone call, kettle bubbling in the background.

" _Clara, thank God. Are you alright? We saw Missy grab your wrist and you both just disappeared."_

"I'm alright. We're back at my flat."

" _We?"_

"I found the Doctor."

" _And Missy?"_

"She'll probably be come back at some point. For now though, I think its safer if you dont go looking for her. For everyone's sake." No need to explain who _everyone_ was. She'd hesitated with the stick because of the Doctor, they had both needed her at the time. Next time however, Clara wasnt entirely sure she would stop herself. The Doctor would talk her out of it, he always did, but who would stop him?

 _To save her soul? But who my dear will save yours?_

Two sugars in her cup, seven in his and a dash of milk for both. He looked uncomfortable on her couch, like he suddenly didnt have the right to be there, in her home. She watched him carefully, walking around the coffee table to sit beside him, both mugs set aside to take his hand gently.

"It wasnt your fault."

"I shouldnt have let myself believe her. I did about Gallifrey and ended up smashing the TARDIS console. Then she said you were dead and I...I made you scared. Again." _Of me._ "You shouldnt have been there."

"There's nowhere else in the universe I would rather have been."

He couldnt take it anymore. Tugging lightly on her hand, he hid his face in her shoulder while wrapping her securely in his arms. This wasnt about hiding any more anyway. He needed to hold her, if only to remind himself that she was really there, that neither Missy or the Daleks hadnt won, because Clara Oswald was _alive_. When her hands fisted handfuls of his jacket, he began to realise that maybe they both went to Skaro for the same reason.

They were scared of losing each other.

"I stole Davros's chair and challenged the Daleks to dodgems."

"I threatened Missy with a pointy stick."

He laugh was muffled by the leather of her jacket. Maybe they would be fine after all.


End file.
